Backed by $1 billion from Oprah, signed to lucrative distribution deals by everyone from UNFI and Tree of Life to Pepsi and Coke both, and before the first SKU is shipped already inked product-placement deals with all the major Hollywood studios, MOUs with 26 governments in five continents, endorsement deals with seven sultans, and is the Official Refreshment of the 2014 Summer Olympics in Russia. 

“It’s not just game changing, it’s Earth shaking,” said Goldman-Sachs CEO Lloyd Bankfun. “It will be too big not to fail.”

First, you look at all the boxes checked that blockbuster products typically hit:

Then you look at the details that signify quality:

Finally, you look at the marketing lingo that heralds a product that changes the game, shifts the world on its very axis, and will resonate with consumers from Burma to Boston:

The product in question? Backed by $1 billion from Oprah, with both distrubition and endorsement deals, the new product from Atlantis Brands is called simply Dehydrated WaterTM.

“It shifts the game away from the bottled water and the flavored water craze,” said market watcher April Fulsdaey. “We can deliver Dehydrated WaterTM to consumers all over the world, and they can enjoy this natural, no-calorie, GMO-free, gluten-free refreshment. We predict $1 billion in annual sales right out of the gate.”

Concocted in an elite enclave in the mountains west of Salt Lake City by a team of innovators, entrepreneurs, engineers and hydrologists led by Paul Bierschwale, Jack Messer, McSherry Siewert and Ralph Lawshe, Dehydrated Water has also inked product-placement deals with all the major Hollywood studios, endorsement deals with seven sultans, MOUs with 26 governments in five continents, and is the Official Refreshment of the 2014 Summer Olympics in Russia.