You may have noticed that when superheroes break into the supervillain lairs, you never see the kitchen. You see the lab where they keep the frozen zombies, maybe the martial arts training arena, quite possibly the death-ray room. Never the kitchen.
If you did, you might see that supervillain cooking up a Hot Dog Stuffed Crust Pizza, the latest abomination from Pizza Hut. Surely, no ordinary product development team would stretch for that level of depravity. Surely no Pizza Hut executive rolled out of bed one morning and said “Eureka! We can put hot dogs in the pizza!”
It’s got to be a supervillain.
We can’t blame Canada, though the video above was shot there three years ago. The chain only brought the creation across the border this week. Indeed, if we follow the taste buds of the consumers seen here, we can only blame ourselves. The Washington Post’s Tuesday headline may have read “We tried Pizza Hut’s new hot dog-crusted pizza so you don’t have to,” but the Canuck-on-the-street reaction is easy to see happening here.
“You get to the crust and then you have a whole other meal left over!” proclaims a young man in a hoodie. This guy’s excited. A few seconds later, a woman explains “It’s like having a pig in the blanket and a pizza together!” Speaking of pigs in a blanket, another guy wants to “sleep with it under my pillow.”
More than one person describes the new pizza as such an obvious combination “it should have happened a long time ago.”
Actually we’re surprised it didn’t. In the nation of 64-ounce Big Gulps and ¾ pound bacon-wrapped cheeseburgers, you’d think hot dogs would have wormed their way into American pizza crusts decades ago. Are we really falling behind Canada in caloric excess?
We’re supposed to be exporting bad habits, not bringing them home.
And yet, as the Pizza Hut press release announces “The Wait is Over.” On Thursday, you can finally walk into your local Pizza Hut and order a hot dog-stuffed crust.
You don’t even have to break into a supervillain compound.