Dawn of the 7 billion un-dead

Dawn of the 7 billion un-dead

If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the problem.

And that means everyone reading this right now is part of the problem.

You’re dispensing tricks—not treats.

Did you hear that there are now 7 billion people inhabiting this fine blue marble?

Back in 1974 there were 4 billion. Remember WIN buttons? They clearly weren’t talking about overpopulation.

6 billion in 1999. Party—get knocked up—like it’s 1999, anyone?

7 billion in 2011. Yikes.

Estimates say this number will continue to rise until it begins to level off around mid-century at about the 9 billion mark. I’ll see 9 billion before I’m dead!

And it’s all your fault.

You people publicizing the published research that vitamin D will increase the length of telomeres—the protective ends of DNA—and the longer the telomeres, the longer the lifespan. You’re part of the problem!

You researchers investigating other telomere-lengthening natural agents like DHA and EPA in fish oil—part of the problem!

Resveratrol—part of the problem!

Oh, man—all these stories ... written by me! I’m scaring myself! Boo!

Oh, sure, we try to make marginal changes to the creepy, hyper-aging, un-dead. Things like fattening up the public with cheap carbs and plastic so they die off earlier. Thank you for that. Embalmers are now said to use less fluid on corpses because of all the preservatives and plastic found in dead humans.

Creepy. And exactly the kind of exemplary innovation I’m talking about here!

Eat Yourself Younger Effortlessly, a new book by Celia Westberry, is said to help people avoid premature aging by focusing on glycemic load—this aims squarely at the twin pillars of American disease: diabetes and obesity.

What is Celia thinking? Clearly she is no cowgirl, because these upstanding citizens recognize the value of culling the herd.

Overpopulation is the biggest environmental problem of our times, right up there with global warming. They also seem to be the third-rail of policy prescriptions. Who wants to stop people from procreating? The Church? Who wants to take on Big Oil? Texan presidents?

Today, on Halloween, let us celebrate the un-dead. Tomorrow, it’s back to work, people!

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